I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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