i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
