god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Come on in and take your pants off
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