dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize