I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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