The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize