I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Of course I have a pirate flag
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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