Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
