Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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