Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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