we have pet lesbian snakes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
