i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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