Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
