I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
