Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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