Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
