Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
