awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
