I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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