i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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