I hate your face
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
