Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
