I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
