We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
