he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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