She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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