sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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