i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
