Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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