I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
