I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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