My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
