There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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