Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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