I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My pussy is not your playground.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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