No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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