Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize