the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
