I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
