i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
