he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
