dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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