I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
