VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize