Fuck appropriateness.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
