worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
