she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
