nut hugger
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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