Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
