loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
