It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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