One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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