I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
