Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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