I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
