Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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