i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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