i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
