drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
