At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Mom said you looked used
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
