honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
