There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
