Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The best revenge is premature balding
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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