He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the condom got lost in my hair
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
