you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
