Sry I called you an 8
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
