Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
