I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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