i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
