at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
