we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
