you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize