What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
