I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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