You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
is it fun? or sober?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
