So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize