Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
