Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize