I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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