I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
