He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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