WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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