i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
