Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
