i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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