why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
