just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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