the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
