my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
