He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
