i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
