Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
