I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
