Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize