Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
