I wish life had little blips of pornography
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
