i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
