i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize