and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
