dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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