Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
