Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We just shotgunned beers for America
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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