Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
