thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
