Swine flu. Run for my life!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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