Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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