somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
