so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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