Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
