My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
