Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
