I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
