she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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