Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
