she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize