So gin and wine won't be happening again
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
